Today is the start of my new life. I am on a path to reinvent myself before I hit my 60s. The past few decades have whizzed by in a blur of raising myself, my kids, my career, my marriages, and my mind. The thing I have always taken for granted is my body. She has just been used as a vehicle to get me to where I wanted to go. I haven’t given her much respect or love. Mostly I’ve hated her and succumbed to self destructive behaviours of eating too much, drinking too much, smoking too much. I’ve never stopped to appreciate her for how much she has given me and I am on my way to actually showing my body some respect.
I have become so overweight that my quality of life is diminished and yet my poor body has struggled to keep me going with multiple medications each day. She has sent me signs regularly, but I’ve chosen to ignore her. Now I am tired all the time, I struggle to get out of bed, climb steps, walk long distances without being in pain. I am in pain all the time, my knees hurt and I can’t bend them. My feet hurt to carry me everywhere, my back hurts and even my butt hurts when I sit down. I can scold myself and find all kinds of excuses and justification for why I am the way I am, but it is not going to change a thing! So I’m just going to move forward and document my journey so that I can be accountable and brutally honest with myself.
So today I am 113.7kg. I am scheduled for a gastric bypass on January 24, 2022, COVID permitting. So I have to loose 5-6 kilos before that date, because I have an enlarged liver and heart and fat around my liver. The surgeon needs the size of my liver to shrink a bit to allow him better access to my stomach. So I have on the meal replacement supplements. And just to remind me how much I need to do this, today I have severe reflux as part of my suffering from GORD. Took some pills for it and ate a lot of antacids but only minor relief. Could be the result of drinking a whole bottle of wine last night, but that won’t be happening again, ever, if I can keep myself accountable. And I will, No coulda, woulda, shoulda, no more. This diary is going to help me stay honest
Drinking a lot of water today hoping to reduce the acidity in my belly and it’s making me pee a lot, something I am going to have to accept. Shake wasn’t too bad, still had my 2 coffees with milk and sugar and my breakfast cereal, but I won’t be buying any more cereal.
I don’t need luck, I just have to do the work
